At some personal risk, one of our contacts has obtained a pre-issue copy of the planned itinerary and code of conduct for the next Rangers supporters' protest at the BBC. We would like to stress that no civil servants or senior parliamentary figures were involved.
BBC Scotland Protest – Dec 20th 2008 – 12.45PM – Outside BBC Scotland HQ Pacific Quay
Brothers and sisters, As many of you will know, we the Loyal followers of Rangers Football Club have been denigrated and depicted as animals by Republican Romanists in the Scottish media and their counterparts across the continent.
Every right-thinking individual knows that we are a happy-go-lucky, dignified, honourable group of men and women and we have taken this stand to demonstrate that we will not be portrayed as racists, bigots or sectarian thugs – especially by Papes, Fenians, Timmies and former pupils of apartheid educational establishments – and are prepared to use force as a last resort to make this point clear.
The joint command of the Rangers Volunteer Freedom Defence Fighters have issued the following statement outlining conduct to be followed at all times and a handy programme of events for our peaceful assault on Pacific Quay.
11.00: Assembly – Bears will assemble in good order at the Govan Orange Halls
1130: Parade on the Queen’s highway towards Pacific Quay. (The precise route will be as follows: O’Halloran’s Butchers (spending no more than 15 minutes. Beware of broken glass), St Gerards RC Church, Our Lady of Consolation RC Primary, St Patrick’s RC Church, Lloyd’s Pharmacy, Subway (Sandwich shop – NOT the Undergound this time), Glasgow RC Cathedral, BBC HQ in Pacific Quay. Time is limited so stops at these points on the route will have to be minimal. Be warned.
We have been advised that Papists and Celtic supporters hell-bent on disrupting our protest may be within these churches in large numbers provocatively practising the Sunday Mass and making various religious gestures. Rise above them!
And DO NOT partake of refreshment at their bread and wine stalls!
1245: Peaceful Protestantism at BBC HQ. Several events have been planned and thanks go to all who have contributed to the organisation as well as our many celebrity fans.
1300: There will be a mass recitation of the news bulletin completely exonerating Rangers of any wrongdoing by UEFA in the disappointed voice of Kheredine Idessane. This will be led by former Ranger Bob Malcom (FTP), who is having his hair specially styled for the occasion.
1315: There will be a minute’s silence for those who lost their dignity for the cause. Special remembrances of the day: Donald Findlay and Andy Goram (whose bar is sponsoring the armbands).
1317: (to be confirmed) Depending on how long the minute’s silence takes, we will then be treated to a stand-up comedy routine by celebrity Bluenose Colin Montgomerie. He will also be signing copies of his book, Smiling in Adversity
1330: Hell’s Burger Stand – Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay will exhibit his special meat and two veg. (Thanks go to Sisters, Mrs Wilomena Wright and her daughters Chardonnay and Blossom Hill, who have agreed to accommodate and entertain Gordon).
1400: Special message from world famous Bluenose Mr S Connery from the Marbella Loyal RSC, who is to send a video message highlighting 007 points.
1415: Sean Connery will then be repudiated as an enemy of the union with an all-too-suspiciously sounding Timmy name
1500: Guest star, Bluenose and anti-drugs campaigner Marti Pellow will lead the singing with a specially-penned version of Ulster, Just Say No. It is hoped the crowd will join him in community singing of “Wishing I was lucky”
1530: Irish flag/Celtic shirt burning
1540: Run like *&$% to try to catch the end of the Rangers game
NOTES
- Throughout the day, Jimmy Spratt and Northern Ireland Culture Minister Gregory Campbell will be on hand to offer personal hygiene advice to the Manchester and Barcelona heroes.
- Beware Timposters and infiltrators! We have already had to deal with an enquiry from a couple claiming to be Bluenoses named Rose and Harry, before an eagle-eyed volunteer spotted that this could be contracted to the Rosary! We have also dispensed with the services of Mr Chapel.
- We have been legally advised by our legal advisers against exercising our right to free speech by singing the Famine Song, as this may tend to open us to criticism. As a compromise, we have decided that old favourites A Father’s Advice and the Billy Boys will be sung to the tunes of Sloop John B and Home on the Range respectively. We are confident that this cannot be portrayed in any negative way.
- Robust protesters (all you Lambeg drummers out there) are especially welcome to carry banners. A 3mx2m monitor displaying the offensive headline: "Rangers in Union Flag row" will be carried and ceremonially disconnected, at which point it will be pelted with beer bottles in a controlled and peaceful manner.
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