So the odds below are useful only as a guide to the expected probability of those listed as candidates for the Celtic job – a position that has probably already been filled.
O Coyle 6/4
The new hero for our time. Personally, I'm an admirer but it's worth noting that he has never managed a club in any top division. There is every chance that he will be the next outstanding Scottish manager. Then again, he might be the next Billy Davies.
Verdict: Too soon
D Ferguson 20/1
These sites don't specify which D Ferguson they are talking about but we must presume they mean Darren, not Derek or Duncan. Darren is currently the manager of the mighty Peterborough Utd, who have just been promoted to the Championship so he is probably within the ideal budget range of our miserable board.
Verdict: You have got to be kidding.
R Aitken 50/1
Good old Roy. If ever there was a made-to-measure Celtic legend, it was the Bear. However, apart from a brief and modestly successful spell as Aberdeen manager (during the club's self-destruct phase), he has little experience in the top job. He is also working with Alex McLeish at Birmingham City but the alleged shoogliness of Eck's peg may tempt him to look elsewhere.
Verdict: Ideal back-room addition.
T Mowbray 9/4
Another well-liked former Celt and respected coach, Tony Mowbray won many admirers during his time managing Hibs. His style of play and youth development were major pluses before he moved to West Bromwich Albion, where he secured promotion. However, his team have just finished bottom of the Premier League.
Verdict: More to prove
D Moyes 28/1
Without a shadow of a doubt, Davie Moyes is the supreme candidate. So good in fact, that we have a snowball's chance in hell of attracting him. His impeccable credentials from successful stints with Everton and Preston North End mean that many more covetous eyes are on him. He would be unlikely to join Celtic with the resources that would be made available.
Verdict: We can dream
R Hodgson 50/1
Once upon a time, Roy Hodgson was the most admired English football manager. He certainly knows his way around a football club with a CV that includes the Swiss national team, Blackburn Rovers, Inter Milan and Fulham, where he has done sterling work.
Verdict: Intriguing possibility but unlikely
C Levein 11/2
It's amazing what an outburst against Mike McCurry can do for a man's popularity. Craig Levein has many qualities, as shown by his ability to make life difficult for Celtic. On the other hand, he has yet to put together a team that can consistently outdo United's smaller rivals. His time at Leicester City was also notable for its mediocrity.
Verdict: Don't even think about it
N Lennon 33/1
Another hugely popular player, some idiots in the tabloids touted him as Gordon Strachan's replacement even as he was being appointed team coach. Neil may or may not make a manager one day – Celtic Park is not a place to test the managerial waters.
Verdict: Nae chance
C Laszlo 66/1
Yes, yes, Csaba, you really were very good last season. One swallow doesn't make a summer.
Verdict: Not a serious contender
A Curbishley 10/1
The Londoner is highly respected from his stints with Charlton Athletic and West Ham Utd and was once allegedly interviewed for the England job. He has never won a trophy as a manager and walked out on the Hammers over the board's interference in team affairs – so why would he go to Celtic.
Verdict: Uninspiring
S McClaren 33/1
One of the great numpties in European football, it would almost be worth giving him the job to see how he would use his linguistic prowess to “talk Scotch”, following his now infamous interview on Dutch TV. Gave us great entertainment as England coach.
Verdict: Might as well appoint Harry Hill
S Eriksson 66/1
A once-great coach who took the greatest generation of English talent and ruined their prospects of winning anything. Who could forget the time he took two injured strikers and a boy who had never played a senior first-team game for his club to a world cup. Boned Ulrika Jonsson – who hasn't?
Verdict: Expensive folly
M McGhee 11/1
Yes, I'm aware of that school of thought. Mark McGhee is admired by the sort of people who think Ross Perot was the greatest president the USA never had. His team finished in the bottom six – enough said.
Verdict: Levein without a neck
S Bilic 33/1
An intriguing possibility, and one of the most exciting coaches in the game. On the down side, he has only ever coached at international level, which doesn't fully prepare him for the rigours of club management. The Scottish press could never accept him – too Catholic-minded.
Verdict: Risky
J Klinsmann 66/1
From the realms of sheer fantasy, we consider the former Bayern Munich manager.
Verdict: Waste no more time
J Collins 16/1
Undoubtedly believes himself to be the best manager around as well as the most handsome little bundle of cuteness ever to flash a winning smile. Surprisingly successful for a short time at Hibs, he has rested on his laurels ever since – and probably Hardy too.
Verdict: They wouldn't dare, would they?
R Martinez 33/1
The sort of name bandied about by people who think they know what they are talking about. He is Spanish and manages Swansea City.
Verdict: Nothing to see here
P Ince 66/1
One of those annoying “hot tips” for managerial greatness, his automatic gub would have fans crying out for the succinct insights of Gordon Strachan in no time. 177 days as Blackburn Manager did nothing to inspire confidence.
Verdict: Pillock
F Smuda 16/1
How the hell did we end up being linked with the 61-year-old manager of Lech Pznan? Franciszek Smuda was, according to unreliable sources, approached some months ago and his name refuses to go away. Just the sort of bizarre idea that Peter Lawwell would come up with.
Verdict: Bloody hope not
S Coppell 33/1
Like watching paint dry, Steve Coppell is the anti-Strachan when it comes to speaking to the media. He bailed on Reading because, not for the first time, he wasn't good enough.
Verdict: Nay, nay and thrice nay!
A McLeish 100/1
Hmm!
Verdict: Obviously not a serious contender.
M McCarthy 16/1
One of the better candidates, we can be sure he wants the job. A quarter-final place in the World Cup and promotion to the Premiership with two teams are evidence of his ability but, if he was to be a top-class manager, would that have shown by now?
Verdict: Could do worse
D O'Leary 50/1
Thankfully David O'Leary's record of ruining clubs by spending outrageous sums makes him a non-starter for Celtic. Never liked him – never will.
Verdict: Bastard
H Larsson 100/1
We love Henke – that's a given. Could still do a better job up front than at least two-thirds of our strikers.
Verdict: Sentimental dreaming
W McStay 16/1
Look, we know Willie McStay is a fantastic youth coach. That doesn't make him a reasonable candidate for the top job.
Verdict: Not likely
M O'Neill 50/1
Yes, yes, we remember the days well. He brought us good times and paid his pals vast sums of money for doing very little. Still, he is doing well with Aston Villa and the hair dye keeps him looking young.
Verdict: Memories should stay memories
K Dalglish 125/1
The return of Kenny would be just the sort of miscalculation that some on the board would deem a masterstroke. Should be the next Scotland manager – but the hacks have another candidate in mind.
Verdict: Mibbes naw
P Lambert 18/1
Get to the car park if they appoint this plonker. Livingston and Wycombe Wanderers say “no”!
Verdict: Hopeless
A Irvine 20/1
Just the sort of middle-ranker who is always linked with jobs he won't get. Something about Preston North End gives coaches credibility they probably don't deserve. Couldn't reach the play-off final. Not exactly Champions Leage material, is it.
Verdict: Zzzzzzzzzz
R Keane 20/1
This is the danger. Surely the oaf that is Dermot Desmond has had enough of this arch quitter. Having indulged Keano in his whim of playing for Celtic, could Desmond yet offer him the managerial post he covets? I wouldn't put it past him.
Verdict: If they dare....
F Rijkaard 50/1
Of course, why wouldn't Frank Rijkaard come to Celtic? What a player he was, though.
Verdict: Sheer fantasy
L Blanc 50/1
I can just hear the dilettantes in the support cooing over the sophisticated choice.
Verdict: Non!
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