Celtic hotseat - the runners and riders

Betting is a mug's game. Of that, there can be no doubt. People who advocate speculating your cash on the outcome of sporting events/managerial appointments are the sort who invariably only remember their wins, failing to discuss the times they have blown their lolly on their folly.

So the odds below are useful only as a guide to the expected probability of those listed as candidates for the Celtic job – a position that has probably already been filled.

O Coyle 6/4
The new hero for our time. Personally, I'm an admirer but it's worth noting that he has never managed a club in any top division. There is every chance that he will be the next outstanding Scottish manager. Then again, he might be the next Billy Davies.

Verdict: Too soon

D Ferguson 20/1

These sites don't specify which D Ferguson they are talking about but we must presume they mean Darren, not Derek or Duncan. Darren is currently the manager of the mighty Peterborough Utd, who have just been promoted to the Championship so he is probably within the ideal budget range of our miserable board.

Verdict: You have got to be kidding.

R Aitken 50/1
Good old Roy. If ever there was a made-to-measure Celtic legend, it was the Bear. However, apart from a brief and modestly successful spell as Aberdeen manager (during the club's self-destruct phase), he has little experience in the top job. He is also working with Alex McLeish at Birmingham City but the alleged shoogliness of Eck's peg may tempt him to look elsewhere.

Verdict: Ideal back-room addition.

T Mowbray 9/4
Another well-liked former Celt and respected coach, Tony Mowbray won many admirers during his time managing Hibs. His style of play and youth development were major pluses before he moved to West Bromwich Albion, where he secured promotion. However, his team have just finished bottom of the Premier League.

Verdict: More to prove

D Moyes 28/1
Without a shadow of a doubt, Davie Moyes is the supreme candidate. So good in fact, that we have a snowball's chance in hell of attracting him. His impeccable credentials from successful stints with Everton and Preston North End mean that many more covetous eyes are on him. He would be unlikely to join Celtic with the resources that would be made available.

Verdict: We can dream

R Hodgson 50/1
Once upon a time, Roy Hodgson was the most admired English football manager. He certainly knows his way around a football club with a CV that includes the Swiss national team, Blackburn Rovers, Inter Milan and Fulham, where he has done sterling work.

Verdict: Intriguing possibility but unlikely

C Levein 11/2
It's amazing what an outburst against Mike McCurry can do for a man's popularity. Craig Levein has many qualities, as shown by his ability to make life difficult for Celtic. On the other hand, he has yet to put together a team that can consistently outdo United's smaller rivals. His time at Leicester City was also notable for its mediocrity.

Verdict: Don't even think about it

N Lennon 33/1
Another hugely popular player, some idiots in the tabloids touted him as Gordon Strachan's replacement even as he was being appointed team coach. Neil may or may not make a manager one day – Celtic Park is not a place to test the managerial waters.

Verdict: Nae chance

C Laszlo 66/1
Yes, yes, Csaba, you really were very good last season. One swallow doesn't make a summer.

Verdict: Not a serious contender

A Curbishley 10/1
The Londoner is highly respected from his stints with Charlton Athletic and West Ham Utd and was once allegedly interviewed for the England job. He has never won a trophy as a manager and walked out on the Hammers over the board's interference in team affairs – so why would he go to Celtic.

Verdict: Uninspiring

S McClaren 33/1
One of the great numpties in European football, it would almost be worth giving him the job to see how he would use his linguistic prowess to “talk Scotch”, following his now infamous interview on Dutch TV. Gave us great entertainment as England coach.

Verdict: Might as well appoint Harry Hill

S Eriksson 66/1
A once-great coach who took the greatest generation of English talent and ruined their prospects of winning anything. Who could forget the time he took two injured strikers and a boy who had never played a senior first-team game for his club to a world cup. Boned Ulrika Jonsson – who hasn't?

Verdict: Expensive folly

M McGhee 11/1
Yes, I'm aware of that school of thought. Mark McGhee is admired by the sort of people who think Ross Perot was the greatest president the USA never had. His team finished in the bottom six – enough said.

Verdict: Levein without a neck

S Bilic 33/1
An intriguing possibility, and one of the most exciting coaches in the game. On the down side, he has only ever coached at international level, which doesn't fully prepare him for the rigours of club management. The Scottish press could never accept him – too Catholic-minded.

Verdict: Risky

J Klinsmann 66/1
From the realms of sheer fantasy, we consider the former Bayern Munich manager.

Verdict: Waste no more time

J Collins 16/1
Undoubtedly believes himself to be the best manager around as well as the most handsome little bundle of cuteness ever to flash a winning smile. Surprisingly successful for a short time at Hibs, he has rested on his laurels ever since – and probably Hardy too.

Verdict: They wouldn't dare, would they?

R Martinez 33/1
The sort of name bandied about by people who think they know what they are talking about. He is Spanish and manages Swansea City.

Verdict: Nothing to see here

P Ince 66/1
One of those annoying “hot tips” for managerial greatness, his automatic gub would have fans crying out for the succinct insights of Gordon Strachan in no time. 177 days as Blackburn Manager did nothing to inspire confidence.

Verdict: Pillock

F Smuda 16/1
How the hell did we end up being linked with the 61-year-old manager of Lech Pznan? Franciszek Smuda was, according to unreliable sources, approached some months ago and his name refuses to go away. Just the sort of bizarre idea that Peter Lawwell would come up with.

Verdict: Bloody hope not

S Coppell 33/1
Like watching paint dry, Steve Coppell is the anti-Strachan when it comes to speaking to the media. He bailed on Reading because, not for the first time, he wasn't good enough.

Verdict: Nay, nay and thrice nay!

A McLeish 100/1
Hmm!

Verdict: Obviously not a serious contender.

M McCarthy 16/1
One of the better candidates, we can be sure he wants the job. A quarter-final place in the World Cup and promotion to the Premiership with two teams are evidence of his ability but, if he was to be a top-class manager, would that have shown by now?

Verdict: Could do worse

D O'Leary 50/1
Thankfully David O'Leary's record of ruining clubs by spending outrageous sums makes him a non-starter for Celtic. Never liked him – never will.

Verdict: Bastard

H Larsson 100/1
We love Henke – that's a given. Could still do a better job up front than at least two-thirds of our strikers.

Verdict: Sentimental dreaming

W McStay 16/1
Look, we know Willie McStay is a fantastic youth coach. That doesn't make him a reasonable candidate for the top job.

Verdict: Not likely

M O'Neill 50/1
Yes, yes, we remember the days well. He brought us good times and paid his pals vast sums of money for doing very little. Still, he is doing well with Aston Villa and the hair dye keeps him looking young.

Verdict: Memories should stay memories

K Dalglish 125/1
The return of Kenny would be just the sort of miscalculation that some on the board would deem a masterstroke. Should be the next Scotland manager – but the hacks have another candidate in mind.

Verdict: Mibbes naw

P Lambert 18/1
Get to the car park if they appoint this plonker. Livingston and Wycombe Wanderers say “no”!

Verdict: Hopeless

A Irvine 20/1
Just the sort of middle-ranker who is always linked with jobs he won't get. Something about Preston North End gives coaches credibility they probably don't deserve. Couldn't reach the play-off final. Not exactly Champions Leage material, is it.

Verdict: Zzzzzzzzzz

R Keane 20/1
This is the danger. Surely the oaf that is Dermot Desmond has had enough of this arch quitter. Having indulged Keano in his whim of playing for Celtic, could Desmond yet offer him the managerial post he covets? I wouldn't put it past him.

Verdict: If they dare....

F Rijkaard 50/1
Of course, why wouldn't Frank Rijkaard come to Celtic? What a player he was, though.

Verdict: Sheer fantasy

L Blanc 50/1
I can just hear the dilettantes in the support cooing over the sophisticated choice.

Verdict: Non!




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Goodbye, Gordon – and thanks

Gordon Strachan's departure from Celtic should not fill anyone with joy. His commitment to Celtic in the most trying circumstances and his three SPL titles coupled with two last 16 places in the Champions League amount to an enviable legacy.

He also invested in youth, meaning that his successor will not be afflicted with an ageing squad of has-been legends, as was the case when Strachan took the job.

However, his final season was a grave disappointment and he gave the impression of a man whose thoughts were elsewhere for much of that time.

He is not totally to blame – his “friends” Peter Lawwell, Dermot Desmond and John Reid are complicit in this season's failure. They have attempted to play the supporters like a fiddle and, unfortunately, succeeded in doing so with Strachan to the extent that he castigated those who derided their failure to invest in the squad.

I predicted the departure of Strachan in November, partly on observing that a certain supporters' blog was suddenly lukewarm in its articles on the manager. That particular site has clearly been used as a mouthpiece for Lawwell, something illustrated most clearly by its ability to pre-empt the Celtic official media channels in announcing Strachan's resignation.

That represents a betrayal of Strachan and the club – as does the naked propaganda in advocating under-investment while touting the benefits of finishing second. When the same blog is being used to prepare fans for the sale of the more talented high-ticket players, it is time to draw a line.

Strachan leaves at a bad time but with his reputation as a manager and man of integrity intact.

Those he leaves behind and their quislings cannot say the same.





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Missing in action – the men who want your season ticket money

In a commercial master-stroke to match the launch of a new kit the day after a pivotal defeat to the R-word, Celtic announced today that they would be opening the ticket office for three hours to allow for final season ticket renewals.

The sensible Celtic fan will have stayed at home.

Why? Because season tickets have deprived Celtic supporters of influence at the club. As long as a few absurd rumours can be touted around renewal time, promising better things to come, the club gets in its ticket revenue for the season in advance and then cheerfully ignores the wishes of the fans.

We can moan and shout and some even boo but mere expressions of dissatisfaction do nothing to bring about change because the people in power don't care what we think. There is at Celtic such an obsession with the bottom line, with building the brand and managing assets that a new type of supporter has been born – one who can accept defeat on the field if it can be argued that a strategic long-term benefit from the plc may be accrued.

Some people get excited by watching numbers change – like day traders fascinated by stock market tickers. But the day that Celtic's primary focus is on revenue rather than old-fashioned competitive entertaining football, the club as we know it will be dead.

The apologists for Dermot Desmond, Peter Lawwell and John Reid would argue that aiming for the Champions League is not so important given the revenue-generating and co-efficient opportunities from the Europa League. That's why you shouldn't trust them.

Some people can only appreciate commodities that can be quantified in numbers. That is not what Celtic was founded for and if we are to remain the most special club in the world, the supporters must take ownership of the club we love.

The only way to do that is to exert the only pressure the executives appreciate – make them earn our money. There is nothing wrong with going to games on a pay-as-you-watch basis. That way, the continued acquisition of income depends on keeping the fans satisfied.

Likewise, if anyone wants to buy the shirt with the tartan boxers, they are welcome to do so but merchandise and other items such as snacks at the games, etc. are, like football tickets, grossly over-priced and reductions in sales will make a significant statement. They don't acquire our money by divine right.

Some will say that this can only damage the club, limiting spending power.

To that I say two things:

• The people running our club have shown that they cannot be trusted to invest properly in the team when fans have freely given them cash up front.

• The long-term expediency strategists' argument can be turned against them – it is better to take a stand now and force the board's hand than to continually acquiesce until our club reaches footballing oblivion.

We are still hearing that our “net spend” is higher than others and certainly the flawed squad should have been able to secure the SPL title. However, only a Philadelphia lawyer could argue that the failure to recruit a striker and left-back represented anything other than negligence.

In the meantime, the political nous of our chairman continues to set the tone: when there is trouble brewing, keep your head down and your name out of the story. It is a cowardly response that Lawwell and Desmond have happily adopted, following the lead of a man who makes David Murray seem trustworthy in comparison.

But Celtic is our club – and they better not forget it.






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