Join the campaign: Justeece for Deek!

Some Celtic fans may think that all the energies of players, coaching staff, suits and supporters should be directed at struggling to revive feint hope of winning the SPL. But thank Hibernian for words of sense from Derek Riordan.

Many Celtic fans will have found it difficult to wipe away the tears sufficiently to read Moira Gordon’s exclusive interview in which Deek “opened his heart on his Celtic hell”.

The young Celtic star is clearly now a more refined, mature man than the immigrant-abuser whose youthful high-jinks ruffled the feathers of former Hearts man Rudi Skacel.

So when Riordan makes oblique calls for the sacking of Gordon Strachan, it would be foolish not to listen.

Deek SLAMMED Strachan for only relying on him as a phantom goalscorer!

"I only get chucked on if we need a goal so he must think I can get him a goal but he obviously doesn't want to do it unless he really has to because he doesn't want me to prove him wrong.”

He also RAPPED his under-fire gaffer for refusing to rely on Rior-daldo, as terrified Celtic defenders have dubbed the agile assassin: “He knows I would score quite a lot if he played me as much as he has played the other strikers but I don't think he wants proved wrong.”

Mara-Deeka SCOFFED at the Ginger Whinger’s false pleasantries that have added to the young Celtic ambassador’s pain: "When I speak to him, he's nice to me and says all the things players want to hear about me being part of the plans but you know by his actions that he's talking rubbish.”

Rio REVEALED he has GIVEN UP – a revealing revelation that will rock Celtic fans who had been unaware of his revelatory rocket: "It is frustrating. I was left out the squad [against Motherwell] and was training with the reserves on Friday. I've virtually chucked it at Celtic, what's the point when I'm not getting a chance."

Clearly hurting, Deek spoke of not being allowed out to play with his pals:
"I went there thinking I was going to play. It's not like I just went there for the money, I wanted to play and I thought I would do well at Celtic with the amount of chances that teams like Celtic and Rangers create.”

“I thought I would score a lot of goals and if I was given the chance every week I still believe I could. But I've just never had the chance." Though he is too LOYAL to say so, the young striker subtly hints that he believes Strachan is afraid of being PROVED WRONG by cashing in on the barrow-load of goals at his twinkle-toetips.

The journalist he spoke to also implied that he had been TIED UP, describing him as “a player at the end of his tether”, and revealed that being CHUCKED ON as a last minute sub against Hibernian was tantamount to PHYSICAL ABUSE: "That was a kick in the teeth. That was embarrassing. I did well when I was there and some of the Hibs fans said I shouldn't go, so that was embarrassing, but it's always the same, it's the last few minutes if I do get chucked on. [When his manager needs a goal and believes Deek can score a goal but doesn’t want a goal so doesn’t chuck him on]."

Modest Deek recalls the GLORY DAYS at Easter Road: “I'm not being big-headed but I was one of the WELL-KNOWN ONES at Hibs because I was doing so well and scoring so many goals but now you see all of them, they are the ones who are playing every week and in the Scotland squads and it's annoying. Depressing [So it is].”

Deek reveals he feels LET DOWN by the manager: "I feel let down by the manager”.

And in another revelatory revelation, talks of the hospitality of his mum (who he will neither confirm nor deny gave TEA AND BISCUITS to Gutless Gordon: “I remember him sitting in my mum's house trying to sign me and he said I could play anywhere in his midfield or up front. It was the same in the press conferences but now I can only play left midfield for some reason and that's not even my best position.”

The Peely-Wally Pele though echoed SIR ALAN SUGAR, issuing a chilling “YOU’RE FIRED” warning for Strachan, predicting: "I'll see who the next manager is before I decide. I don't want to be here and not playing but I would like to stay at Celtic if I thought I had a chance to play. I know I won't get that chance with him. I've been here nearly two years and it's not happened yet so I don't see it happening now. But Celtic are brilliant. I like it here and would love to prove myself but the NASTY thing is not playing."

“They were saying 'you should be out there playing' and that helps. The Celtic fans have been brilliant. They know something is not right. They are the only people I will thank at Celtic if I leave."

Messi-Heid, as he has been affectionately dubbed, also took the chance to set the record straight:

“There have been loads of rumours, I'm supposed to have SLEPT with his daughter or sister or PUNCHED HIM ON THE TRAINING GROUND but they are all a load of RUBBISH. There's nothing that I can think of I've done wrong to him. There's been no bust ups. I don't know what his problem is with me."

But Deek’s not wasting his time as a Celtic outcast. While his team stuttered to a home defeat on Satruday, life-long Celtic Riordan was away “getting his hair cut”, scotching rumours that he does that job on his own.

Celt fans are sure to react with fury at the shabby treatment of one of Europe's most talented non-playing superstars. An insider reveals that Celtic suits are chilled with memories of the four-man protest that followed Billy McNeill CHUCKING ON Joe Miller and then WHEECHING him off again.

If you wish to join the Justeece for Deek! campaign, please sign below.

• Stop sobbing, Deek
  

We did what? The story of Celtic's season

Key decisions that shaped a season

It has, in case anyone has failed to notice, been a challenging few weeks for Celtic supporters. Our season has gone belly-up faster than Kevin Thomson with soft-tissue damage. The once beautiful Bentley of our dreams lies ruined, scarred by a scorned lover’s anti-freeze, facing the indignity of being in the wake of a chuntering blue Skoda Favorit.

There is only one reasoned response in such circumstances. Bellow hernia-inducing boos urging foul prejudice against diminutive red-heads. After the storm, the fight in the pub and the note from the wife revealing she has started a new life in Bognor Regis, it becomes the turn of the unbearable chatterers to whine: “Where did it all go wrong?”

Well, are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I’ll begin to chatter.

We failed to replace Neil Lennon

Or rather, to revamp a midfield that often looked vulnerable last season, we adopted a new system and recruited two new players to form the axis of our team. Regardless of what might be read elsewhere, neither Massimo Donati nor Scott Brown are bad midfielders – both have outstanding qualities.

But once upon a time the received wisdom was that it took any player a full season to settle in at Celtic. In the most important area of the field, we relied on two players who would both experience major cultural changes: Donati in a new country and league; Brown experiencing life with a new level of expectation and responsibility.

Those challenges are difficult enough at the best of times – when you can’t be sure of turning to your midfield partner because he is having a tough time too, it makes it all the more difficult.

We failed to replace Neil Lennon

“I realise that technically speaking that's only one flaw, but it was such a biggie I thought it was worth mentioning twice." Kryten

With the exit of Lennon, we didn’t just lose a player, we lost a captain. And what a can of worms that would open up.

The problem was that there was no single viable candidate, partly as a result of the massive overhaul in playing personnel that Gordon Strachan was forced to undertake. The mature, experienced leaders like Paul Hartley and Steven Pressley were just in the door. The higher-profile internationals like Artur Boruc, Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink, Thomas Gravesen, and Shunsuke Nakamura were also either fairly new to the club, in playing positions that people rarely favour as captain, ready to be loaned out, or less than fluent in English.

Captains are often easy to spot – they’re the ones who always seem to have their tonsils displayed in photos. But in the circumstances, given the squad profile, Stephen McManus was the correct choice.

McManus was the longest-serving player at the club and a solid performer but also a young man expected to occasionally cajole and sometimes harangue older players who had achieved more in the game than he had. Not easy.

And there was another issue – Strachan knew full well that once a captain was picked, he effectively had to be an automatic choice on the team sheet. Any other player can be changed – the captain of Celtic is only ever “dropped” prompting speculation on his future. Picking his captain had profound implications in terms of influence and team selection.

The sale of Kenny Miller

Kenny Miller, as anyone could see, didn’t score enough goals for a striker. On the plus side, he was keen as mustard, fitter than a butcher’s dog, and more effective in making goals for other players than taking them for himself – true altruism in green and white.

In isolation, selling Kenny Miller wasn’t hugely significant but it did leave the team looking short of attacking options. Who would be thrown on to hare behind defences and cause havoc by his sheer energy? Who would bring a different dynamic to a team that was still happy to make Deek Yeah-but-no-but-yeah-but Riordan a rich man? Nobody. But, against his will, Miller would be punted, regardless of the fact that Celtic were trading in an option for around £3m.

Failing to account for second season syndrome

The unique phenomena that are believed to be attached to clubs like Celtic include the bizarre tendency of players who have one good season to be completely pants the next.

See Shunsuke Nakamura and Lee Naylor. Nakamura, of course, was injured for much of the season. But when he started to complain that it hurt him to kick the ball hard, there was a serious warning sign there. Suddenly, Nakamura looked like the lightweight with fancy touches he had been dubbed: okay in a confident team that was flying – little or no use in a chasing side with the heeby-jeebies.

Naylor, on the other hand was last season’s sensational find and this season’s left-sided equine. His ferocious runs, and terrifying early crosses were replaced by a player who looked to be waiting for a boy in a sombrero to wave a carrot at him before hoofing the odd ball on payment of a sugar-lump.

The intransigence of Gordon Strachan

Let’s get one thing clear – this blog is on Gordon Strachan’s side. He achieved great things in two seasons, dealt admirably with the issue of following a “hero” and has demonstrated that he is a clever man who thinks about the game.

The problem with thinkers, though, is that sometimes they fear that which they cannot understand. Remember when Davie Hay used to take off Celtic’s best player Paul McStay to let Roy Aitken charge through the midfield on his “surges”? It seemed ridiculous and could be rationalised only by blaming Alan McInally for ruining the Maestro’s passing with an inability to remain onside – but, time after time, it worked.

Strachan brought a few players in, notably Barry Robson, Georgios Samaras and Ben Hutchinson. But only Samaras was given much of a chance to make an impact. Robson doesn’t have the full technical refinement of Nakamura, but he is just the sort of player needed when a team is crying out for someone to be effective. Hutchinson – we don’t know. One for the future? Then why dismiss Miller and Maciej Zurawski unless you have faith in the replacements?

In recent months, Strachan has rarely made any significant tactical decisions that turned games around. He has retained the system he thought best and has been painfully slow to make confident, attacking substitutions.

The trouble is when managers cannot be swayed from the notion that their team is playing the best way possible and that it is only a matter of time before it comes right, it usually ends in tears.

Which brings us back to where we started. And so to bed...